Talmidav Shel Aharon
15-5767 Mitzvah 44 Part II
February 26, 2007

Mitzvah 44 – It is a positive commandment to a wife by Kiddushin (consecration, the wedding ceremony). [What follows is the second half of the Hafetz Hayyim on this Mitzvah]
Hafetz Hayyim: Now, we were commanded in our holy Torah that if someone wishes to divorce his wife because he has found some aspect of indecency about her, he needs to send her away with a get, a bill of divorcement, as the custom is in Jewry. For scripture says, “And it shall be, if she does not find favor in his eyes, because he has found some unseemly thing in her, that he shall write her a bill of divorcement” (Deut. 24:1) [Which means a get]. All matters concerning a get are to be carried out only through expert learned rabbis who are familiar with the subject of bills of divorce. Whoever is not familiar with the nature of a get, even if he is a great scholar in other areas of the Torah, should not occupy himself with this. For in a get there are many basic, important details, and whoever is not very well versed in them is likely to come to grief over them. If a woman is bad in her concepts, which is to say that she denies faith in Hashem and His Torah, and she is not modest in her ways like the daughters of Jewry; and certainly if he [the husband] becomes sure that she does not go to have the ritual immersion [in the Mikveh, to purify herself] from the menses – it is a religions duty for him to divorce her, as Scripture says, “cast out the scorner, and the contention will go out” (Proverbs 22:10)
It applies everywhere and at every time.

I repeat here how I started the last lesson. When Jewish Law is the subject, there always will be gender issues to address. There are plenty here and I will deal with them as we go along. I only ask that the reader be patient since the Hafetz Hayyim was writing for a different time, before the advent of equal rights for Women and he is relatively liberal in his approach to them.
First let me note that there is divorce in Judaism. Even in the Torah, there is the possibility raised that a marriage may not work and there is a process to end marriage. According to the Torah, a man writes a bill of divorcement to his wife to end the marriage. The problem is, of course, that it never says what the document is supposed to say and how the divorce is supposed to take place. The Torah often is long on ideas and short on explanations. Therefore the Sages of the Talmud try to fill in the gaps.
Since marriage is established by the Sages, it can be undone by the Sages as well. The Hafetz Hayyim, and other, understand well that if a Rabbi does not do a wedding right, it is annoying, but not a great catastrophe. If a divorce, however, is not done correctly, than the lives of a husband, wife and their children can be destroyed forever. This is why all the Rabbis and Sages insist that every divorce be handled by someone who is an expert in this ritual, a person called a “Messader Gittin” the one who sets up a get. It will take a small court, three Rabbis, to finalize the get and to insure that all the details are addressed. It sometimes seems like it is a stilted ritual, without any recognition of the strong emotions that the couple are experiencing. While this may be true, a boring ritual is a small price to pay if one never has to revisit the divorce again.
I am a bit surprised about the grounds for divorce raised by the Haftez Hayyim. There is an argument in the Talmud between Hillel and Shammai about what constitutes grounds for divorce. Basically, Hillel maintains that if the man wants the divorce, than he should be able to get it for any reason at all. That is the rules that are still in effect today. The issues that the Hafetz Hayyim raises, immoral behavior, scorning Jewish Law, or acting immodestly ( and the famous sin of being barren for over 10 years) are issues that may REQUIRE a man to divorce his wife. Modern Rabbis do not hold by these. If a couple want to work out differences and stay together and work on improving the marriage, than we do not require a get. If one of the partners does want out, we do not force a man or a woman to stay in a marriage that makes them unhappy.
It is true that a get, the bill of divorcement, has to pass from the hand of the husband to the hand of his wife to end the marriage. It is not true that only a man can initiate a divorce. Either the man or the woman can ask a Rabbi to call a Rabbinic Court together to write a get. The Husband and the Wife have to agree before the get can proceed. One cannot be divorced against one’s will. Either party can delay or prevent a get from happening. Rabbis work hard to get both sides to agree to finish the get and to move on with their lives. 95% of the time this is enough. Some couples are so angry at each other over some unresolved issues (one Rabbi noted that most of the time they are financial issues between a husband and wife who are so wealthy that the sum is insignificant) That they refuse a get out of spite or as blackmail. This is a grave sin and a useless action. In times of great need, Rabbis can avoid one side’s posturing to make sure that the refusing spouse will not be able to remarry, but the one who wants out will get out anyway and will be permitted to marry. Remember, what the Rabbis create, they can undo as well. In short, no person should block a get from happening if one of the parties truly wants the marriage to end. In spite of the hurt, both sides should want this to be over and to move on with their lives. This also applies when a husband or wife disappears and can not participate in the process of a get. There are ways the Rabbis have to prevent someone from being “chained” to a marriage that needs to end. The text of a get basically “undoes” the wording of the Ketubah. In modern times it is only written and delivered after the civil divorce is final and the divorce courts have resolved all financial and other issues. The get is then just the formality of ending the Jewish part of the marriage.

Talmidav Shel Aharon
14-5767 Mitzvah 44
February 19, 2007

Mitzvah 44 – It is a positive commandment to a wife by Kiddushin (consecration, the wedding ceremony).
Hafetz Hayyim: As it says in Scripture: “When a man takes a wife” (Deut. 24:1) So when someone comes to wed a wife, he needs to consecrate her first, to acquire her for his wife. He is to consecrate her with money of his [or its equivalent] that he gives her – either a p’rutah [a minimal amount, at least] or something worth a p’rutah; and he is to say to her, “You are hereby consecrated to me with this according to the law of Moses and Israel” and it has to take place before qualified witnesses.
Before the kiddushin (ceremony of marriage) it is necessary to say the benediction of erusin (betrothal), which is this: “… who hallowed us with His mitzvot and commanded us about forbidden conjugal relations, forbade us those betrothed to us, but permitted us those married to us by the ceremony of the bridal canopy and consecration.”
When one consecrates a wife [as described above] she is called arusah (betrothed), and he is forbidden by the law of the Sages to be conjugally intimate with her until she undergoes the ceremony of the bridal canopy, and the seven benedictions [of marriage] are recited. Before she enters upon the ceremony of the bridal canopy, he has to write a ketubah (marriage contract) for her; and once she undergoes the bridal-canopy ceremony she is called married, even if the marriage has not been consummated – but this is if she is fit for conjugal intimacy. If she is ritually unclean from the menses, however, ten even if she as undergone the bridal –canopy ceremony and he as been alone with her, the marriage has not been carried through, and she is legally like an arusah in every respect.
It applies everywhere and at every time.
(To be continued…)

When Jewish Law is the subject, there always will be gender issues to address. There are plenty here and I will deal with them as we go along. I only ask that the reader be patient since the Hafetz Hayyim was writing for a different time, before the advent of equal rights for Women and his is relatively liberal in his approach to them.
The Torah is filled with married people, but it never tells us what a wedding should look like. The Sages of the Talmud fill in the gap with a two part wedding ceremony. There is erusin and kiddushin. Then we can be assured that the couple are married. Erusin is a betrothal ceremony. It used to take place up to a year before the actual wedding. It was a state of being married without the conjugal rights. The extra time was given for the bride and her family to raise the dowry promised to the groom. Today it is the blessing quoted by the Hafetz Hayyim or some alternative blessings that are a bit more egalitarian. Kiddushin, the actual wedding ceremony, consists of three ways that the marriage is contracted. By writing a Ketubah and having it witnessed by two proper witnesses. It is then given to the bride. Then an object worth, minimally a p’rutah (the smallest ancient coin, today the value has to be our smallest coin, a dime. When they say “small” they mean in size) is given to the bride. It must be something owned by the groom, he has to give it to the bride and say the formula recited above. The couple end the ceremony with some time spent alone together. This is the third method of acquisition. Prior to this time alone (called “Yihud”) seven wedding blessings are recited. The significance of the p’rutah is that it should not be expensive for a man to get married lest he not marry because he can’t afford it. The Ketubah is also part of the Sages plan to keep marriage affordable. The Ketubah is an insurance policy that basically puts off the payment from the groom to the bride until his death or divorce. He then owes her the money (traditionally 200 zuzim, a big sum since two zuzim can buy a goat, this could buy a whole herd. In fact, the payment had to be in real estate if the husband owned any, and it was to be paid before any other creditors were paid) The entire ceremony, Erusin and Kiddushin, are now done together under the bridal canopy (the Huppah).
Today, we do our best to try and make a wedding more egalitarian. While we still hold on to the traditional forms, we try and add a number of feminine elements. The Ketubah can have several clauses that relate to the responsibilities of the bride. The bride can give an item to the groom even as he gives one to the bride and they both make declarations of their intention to be married.
At the end of this section, the Hafetz Hayyim makes mention of the Laws of Family Purity (Taharat HaMishpacha) the rules that require sexual separation during the wife’s menstrual period, and the requirement of her immersing in a Mikveh before they can resume marital sexual relations. These laws begin when a woman becomes married and continues as long as she is menstruating. Even on the wedding day, he is forbidden to consummate the marriage if she is menstruating and has not yet immersed in a Mikveh. Mikveh immersions are done about 12 days after the start of menstruation; five days of menstruation and seven days without any bleeding are the minimum. For very erratic periods, a rabbi should be consulted. While it is called “ritual impurity” it has no bearing on any other aspect of a woman’s life. She can do all her other activities normally, with the exception of sexual relations with her husband. These laws are a Mitzvah for women that apply all times. Some women think they are wonderful, giving a cyclical nature to sexual activity in the marriage. Others think it is a great imposition and ignore it. My take has been to encourage women (and husbands) to give Taharat HaMishpacha a try and see how it can enhance their marriage.
The Hafetz Hayyim continues this Mitzvah by including the rules of divorce as well but I will include that in next week’s lesson.

Lee Levitan writes:
A couple of comments that demonstrate the continually evolving nature of Conservative Judaism. (a) A 1994 responsum adopted by the Committee on Jewish Law and Standards stated that if the husband cannot procreate, he is exempted from the commandment.(1) (b) A 1997 responsum adopted by the Committee stated that a man fulfills the mandate of procreation in having a child with a surrogate (either an ovum surrogate, in which case both the surrogate’s ovum and womb are used, or a gestational surrogate, in which case the woman is impregnated with a fertilized ovum of the intended parents).(1,2) Thus, the man need not be married to fulfill the mitzvah. I have not found anything on whether a “blind” sperm donor (who does not know to whom his sperm will be given) fulfills the mitzvah: perhaps you could enlighten me, Rabbi? And, finally, it is my understanding that fulfillment of the mitzvah (at least originally) required the man to produce both a male and a female child and that each child must in turn be capable of procreation. Am I correct here?

Rabbi Konigsburg Replies: The commandment to have children also involves being involved with their upbringing and teaching them Torah. This would not be fulfilled by a blind donor. It is required to have two children, a boy and a girl according to the ruling of Hillel in the Talmud but I never heard that they had to be able to procreate. That sounds to me like some modern interpretation but I would have to look into it more.

13-5767 Mitzvah 43

January 29, 2007

Mitzvah 43 – It is a positive commandment to marry in order to be fruitful and multiply (have children).

Hafetz Hayyim: As it says in Scripture: “And G-d said to them, ‘Be fruitful and multiply’.” (Gen. 1:28) One’s intention should be the continuation of the human species. When a man is eighteen, he becomes subject to the duty of begetting children; and if he passes the age of twenty without having married, he thus transgresses and disobeys this positive commandment. If he is occupied in Torah study and he fears that the problem of earning a livelihood will interfere, he is permitted to delay – but in any event, not beyond the age of twenty-five
It applies everywhere and at every time.

I have cleaned this mitzvah up a bit. The Hafetz Hayyim notes that this Mitzvah is only for men. The mitzvah to have children is, in Jewish Law, only for men. Women were exempt, I suspect, because having children could put their lives in danger and Jewish Law could require no one, to endanger their own life. Men therefore have the obligation to have children, not women. Since a woman is needed for this Mitzvah (in fact she is indispensable for this Mitzvah) a man must be married. If a woman is not willing to help a man with this mitzvah, she should not marry him. In ancient days, her refusal would be no problem, since he could marry a second wife to bear his children. Since the year 1000 CE (and unofficially for centuries before that date) men are forbidden to have more than one wife. If she cannot or will not bear his children, they can divorce and he can try with someone else.
There is a question over whether or not the man has to divorce his wife if she cannot or will not bear children. There are some who say that the divorce, after ten years without a child, is required. Most Rabbis however are lenient in this matter since the love that the couple share is not a trifle. There are many examples in the legal literature of those who stay married even without children.
What I find even more important with this Mitzvah, however, is the time restrictions placed upon it. Rabbi Elliot Dorff, the Rector of the University of Judaism in Los Angeles has been on a long campaign to get young Jewish men and women to marry and have children earlier than they are doing it now. One of the great problems of our times is that couples are marrying later, sometimes in their mid 30’s and not having children until they are almost 40. Infertility issues are soaring and Jews are not having enough children to replace those who are dying. Our demographics are slowly shrinking since we have children when we are older and we don’t have the minimum of three children needed to replace our numbers.
Rabbi Dorff makes a strong case. The Hafetz Hayyim notes that this is a matter of the survival of the human species. Rabbi Dorff notes that it is also about the survival of the Jewish people. Young people should marry earlier and have three or more children.
I do note here that many of those who do marry later, have children quicker as well. With couples “living together” for years, when they do marry, it is often for the purpose of having children and I have noticed that many of these couples return from their honeymoon pregnant. The fact remains, however, that the best age in terms of being a good parent and fertility, is the mid twenties. I would not like to see more young couples wed at the age of 18.

L. Levitan writes:
The Rabbis, always alert to nuances in the Bible, noted that while the fifth of the Ten Commandments says “Honor your father and your mother . . .”, the subject of the mitzvah in last week’s blog says “. . . fear his mother and his father.” Why does father come first in the fifth commandment and mother come first in this week’s mitzvah? The Rabbis said that honoring one’s mother was natural but honoring one’s father was not, so father comes first in the fifth commandment. On the other hand, fearing (or standing in awe of) one’s father was natural, but not so for the mother, so mother comes first in this week’s mitzvah. I have always wondered why the Rabbis felt this way, and perhaps they have given their reasons but I am simply not familiar with them, but I remain curious about this to this day.

Rabbi Konigsburg replies: I am not comfortable with the sexism of the Rabbis in relation to this explanation. The Rabbis claim, with this explanation, that it is natural for a child to “fear” his father and “love” his mother, so that the Torah comes and teaches that we should also “fear” our mother and “love” our father. It is an interesting historical note but the fact remains that we are commanded to love, honor and fear both our parents. That is the thrust of the commandment and I am just happy that the text gives top billing one time to both parents.

Talmidav Shel Aharon
12-5767 Mitzvah 42
January 22, 2007

Mitzvah 42 – It is a positive commandment to have a reverent fear of one’s father and mother.
Hafetz Hayyim: As it says in Scripture: “Every person shall fear his mother and his father.” (Lev. 19:3) Now, what is the reverent fear meant here? One is not to stand or sit in his (the father’s) place; he is not to contradict his words or express a deciding opinion about his words; nor is he to call him by his name either during his lifetime or after his death, but is only to say “My Father, my master”. The father and mother are both equally in importance entitled to honor and reverent fear; and Scripture equated in importance the honor and reverent fear due them with the honor and fear due the blessed G-d. If someone transgresses this and is disparaging about reverent fear for them, he disobeys a positive commandment, unless he acts by their knowledge. If a father is willing to forgo his honor, it may be overlooked.
It applies everywhere and at every time, for both men and women.

I do not like the translation of the Hebrew word “Yireh” as “fear” although that is a common translation. When it is used in a context like this, I prefer to translate it as “awe” it is true that there is a certain amount of “fear” when we are truly in “awe” of something, but it is not the same kind of fear as the Hebrew word “Pachad” implies, meaning “scared or afraid”. The Torah requires us to stand in awe of our parents, and that, I think, explains a lot about what this Mitzvah is all about.
Last time we spoke about treating our parents with respect and honor, now the Hafetz Hayyim deepens this relationship. Our parents, in this modern world, do not have the power of life and death over us any more. Perhaps we don’t look at G-d that way anymore either. Still, we need to treat our parents (and G-d too) as if that power were still in their hands. Even as an adult, we owe our parents every privilege we can muster. If our parent says this is what we should do, than we follow their command. We should not argue with them, ridicule their opinions nor treat them with any disrespect. They should be addressed as our parents, Mother and Father, and not to become too familiar with them and use any other name (unless we have “loving” names that we call them and that they prefer to hear from us). In no case is it every permissible to call them by their first name in their presence.
Note also the permission given for parents to forgo this kind of awe. If a parent chooses to have a different kind of relationship with their children, they are free to set the boundaries where they please. The children do not set this for their parents, but the parents can set this tone for the family. Jewish law recognizes that every family can be different and that a parent has the right to set the policies of the family.
I don’t think that there is anything here that would be unusual in the relationship between parents and children unless, and this is a big unless, there is something seriously wrong between them. Jewish law places the responsibility for the relationship squarely on the shoulders of the parents, they set the rules and boundaries. The children must follow those parameters. But what happens when the parents are abusive, either physically or verbally? What happens when they are not worthy of the fear and honor Jewish Law requires? A child must not obey a parent who gives a command that is illegal, immoral or against the rules of the Torah. Our obligation to G-d may be similar, but G-d is still more important than a parent. A child may not publicly insult or disobey a parent, but in private, one must take pains to explain why, what the parent is asking is impossible and what compromises must be made. If the parent insists, the child can walk away from that situation rather than court arrest or the destruction of his or her reputation. If the parent chooses to press the issue in public, other will have to rebuke the parent for their actions. This does not, however, remove the responsibility that children have to care for their parents health and welfare. Again, in cases of abuse, the child can hire others to help with this requirement, but the child can not just walk away. In cases where the relationship is extremely toxic, a Rabbi should be consulted.
These laws apply to everyone and at every time, no matter if the parent is living or dead. Our obligations to our parents never expires.

B. Horowitz and L. Levitan both refer to a point that I missed. B. Horowits writes:

Thought: Some people might wonder why G-d needed to include a commandment to honor one’s parents; isn’t it something we would normally do anyhow? The implication is that the command is necessary precisely because the treatment of parents often left much to be desired — so much so, in fact, that it was even necessary to offer a reward to motivate people to observe this mitzvah! – “Honor your father and your mother, as the Lord your G-d has commanded you, that you may long endure, and that you may fare well, in the land that the Lord your G-d is giving you.” (Deuteronomy 5:16)

However, I read that Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel turns the issue around a bit, saying: “In so many cases, it is the parents who make it impossible for the young to obey the Fifth Commandment. My message to parents is: ‘Every day ask yourselves the question: What is there about me that deserves the reverence of my child?’”

L. Levitan makes the same point noting that this is only one of three Mitzvot that promise long life for those who obey.

Rabbi Konigsburg replies: Who am I to argue with A.J. Heschel? This is a very complex Mitzvah, as complex as the relationships we have with our parents. It is so easy to say “My situation is different” and I think this is why the stakes are so high and the reward is mentioned. Yes, we do need to do more for our parents. I only think about the many who have abusive parents who come to me looking to disown their parents. So much mental illness comes from children still trying to please a parent who will never be pleased. Judaism lets us limit the damage a parent can do, but we can never turn our backs on them.

Talmidav Shel Aharon
11-5767 Mitzvah 41
January 8, 2007

Mitzvah 41 – It is a positive commandment to respect one’s father and mother.
Hafetz Hayyim: As it says in Scripture: “Honor your father and mother.” (Ex. 20:12)Now, what is the honor meant here? One is to provide food and drink and clothing, out of the father’s money. But if the father has no money and the son does, the son is compelled to sustain his father according to his means. And he is to attend upon his parents in the way that a bondservant attends upon his master. He is to honor his father even after his death.
If one’s father tells him, “get me water to drink,” and there is some other religious duty for him to do; if that duty can be done by someone else, he should occupy himself with honoring his father, but if that duty cannot be done by someone else, he is to carry it out. It is quite a different matter, though, if his father tells him to commit a sin, even if it is a misdeed only by the law of the Sages, he is not to listen to him: for all have the duty of honoring the blessed G-d.
Honoring one’s father takes precedence over honoring his mother since both he and his mother are obligated to honor his father. If anyone slights the honor of his father or mother, he disobeys this positive commandment, unless he acts with their knowledge and consent. A woman also bears this obligation; but what her husband prevents her from doing in this regard, she is free of doing.
It applies everywhere and always.

There are two very different topics that have to be discussed here. The first is the limits of this Mitzvah, and the second is the obvious sexism inherent in the Hafetz Hayyim.
We have a responsibility to honor our parents that is eternal. It applies to every person from the day they are born (actually, it is from the day they achieve legal age, Bar or Bat Mitzvah) until the day we die. It is an obligation that exists even after our parents are dead. A woman came to the Sages complaining that her son, the Rabbi, honored her too much. He would bend over and have her step on his back when she got out of bed and she would often walk on his hands lest her feet get dirty. The Sages were not impressed, even that, they declared, that even if he had done a thousand times more it was not too much honor for a mother. Another woman came and complained that her son, the Rabbi, who was one of the senior members of the high court, did not honor her enough. The sages went pale that such a thing by this Rabbi was possible and they asked her, what has he done? She replied, “He is such an honored Sage that I want to wash his feet and drink the water I have used to wash them and he will not permit me to do it.” The Sages rebuked the Rabbi and said that if this is how the mother wishes to act, he must not even then, no fulfill her wishes. These two stories may or may not be true but they make the point clearly, there is no end to the obligation to honor parents. In fact many Rabbis claim that the reason there is not a blessing for showing honor to parents is that the honor never ends so it never permits us to say that we have fulfilled it.
And there are no exceptions. If parents are abusive, one still has this obligation. If one is a convert and no longer keeps the faith of their parents, they still have the obligation to honor them unless, as the Hafetz Hayyim notes, they forbid one to fulfill Jewish Law or to do something that is sinful. In severe cases, where the presence of the parents would be damaging or excessively painful, then someone else can be hired to take care of them and the child can fulfill the honor due from a safe distance. One does not, therefore, have to submit to verbal or physical abuse from a parent, but that does not relive one of the obligation to care for them in their old age and make sure that they are physically safe and cared for. No matter how estranged we may be from our parents, we need to assist with their burial when they have died. Except as necessary, we cannot speak critically of them to others.
I cannot tell you how difficult this is for some whose parent is not worthy of the love that other parents may deserve. In fact, there is a great amount of mental illness in this world due to some who wish to honor parents who do not deserve such honor. One sage has a mother who was verbally abusive and he never rebuked her, except when they were in public, he might say to her, “That is enough mother” Even if a parent were to teach something wrong, one must not correct them, only to call their attention to something that will help them learn the matter correctly. If parents are destitute, we must pay for their needs from our own pocket, and if we don’t have the means to do so, the Sages insist that we must go begging door to door, and not allow them to beg themselves.
As we can see, this is a huge obligation. In cases where one feels that, due to circumstances, it is impossible to honor one’s parents, such a person should go to their Rabbi for advice and guidance on how to properly honor parents in such a difficult case.
The second part of our Mitzvah has to do with honoring the father before the mother and the mother’s obligations to the father. Clearly we have here an example of how times have changed from the Hafetz Hayyim’s time until our own. Parenthood is now a partnership, not a hierarchy. The principles of equality and the teachings of Conservative Judaism insist that both parents are equal in the family and children have equal obligations to both.

Lee Levitan writes: Regarding your January 1 divrei Torah on Mitzvah 39-40, this might be a nice opportunity to remind the congregation that Kol Nidre does not absolve one from vows that involve others, for which one remains responsible, but rather only for vows that involve only oneself or oneself and God.Rabbi Konigsburg replies: You are correct. Kol Nidre is about promises to G-d. If we have made promises to others that we have not fulfilled, we need to ask forgiveness from that person directly before we ask G-d to be forgiven. If that person turns us down three times, saying that we will “never” be forgiven, than we have fulfilled the duty to ask and we can then seek forgiveness from G-d. We cannot ask G-d to forgive us if we have not first asked others we may have harmed, for forgiveness. Also, we must be quick to forgive others who may have offended us.

Talmidav Shel Aharon
10-5767 Mitzvah 39-40
January 1, 2007

Mitzvah 39 – It is a positive commandment to fulfill the words that come from one’s lips – whatever one takes upon himself by a vow or oath.
Hafetz Hayyim: As it says in Scripture: “Whatever has passed your lops you shall keep and do, as you have vowed.” (Deut. 23:24) and if further says “He shall do according to all that proceeds out of his mouth (Num. 30:3)
This is in effect at all times and it every place for men and for women.
Mitzvah 40 – It is a positive commandment to deal with cases of nullifying vows and oaths.
Hafetz Hayyim: As Scripture says, “when a man vows a vow to Hashem etc. (Num 30:3) This means that if the one who made the vow regrets it and is sorry for what has happened, he is to come to an expert scholar or to three ordinary persons if there is no learned expert there; and he says, “I swore or vowed about this-and-that and I have come to regret it. Had I know that I would suffer about the matter to such an extent or that this would happen to me, I would not have taken the vow or the oath.” Then the scholar or the three ordinary men tell him, “Have you already been sorry for it?” Whereupon he answers, “yes.” At that they say to him, “It is allowed for you.” Or “it is forgiven you” or “it is permissible for you”. It is in effect everywhere and always.

If these Mitzvot seem strange and foreign, it is more a function of modern society than the Torah or the Hafetz Hayyim. We don’t put much stock in words, vows or oaths these days. As the proverb says, “A verbal promise is not worth the paper it is printed on.” I have spoken in synagogue many times about this. We are so numbed by movies and the news of people who make promises and then break them, stranding or impoverishing hundreds of people, that we don’t trust anyone with their word. In ancient times, however, words meant a lot and a vow or oath taken in public, was as strong a bond as a written contract. There are still people today who fulfill their word even if it means a loss for them, but most people make big promises but later ask us to forgive them and release them from their oath.
Jewish Law is telling us two different, but related lessons. On the one hand, we should be prepared to follow through on our word. If we make a promise, vow or oath, we should not delay to fulfill it. If we borrow money and tell our friend, “I will pay you back tomorrow”, Than the repayment should be as early as possible in the day. If we promise to deliver merchandise or pick some one up at a certain time, we need to be there when we promise. If we are unsure of the time or the conditions, we should say it to our friends and associates up front, and not expect them to be patient with understanding or with us. Our word must be true.
On the other hand, when someone else makes a promise and we know that they can not keep it, or if a person makes a promise and we can clearly see that it was a big mistake and they are hurting because of it, we should be the ones forgiving and understanding. We should never force someone to hold to an oath if we know that they regret it. We should look for a way to get them off the hook with us without embarrassment or humiliation. This does not mean that we should look the other way when a merchant tries the “bait and switch” scam. It applies to those whom we know personally and who may, at some future time, need to be understanding with us as we were with them.
According to these Mitzvot, a merchant or businessperson who follows the sage advice to “promise little and deliver much” will not only be successful in their occupation but will be fulfilling the words of Torah as well. On the other hand, once we gain a reputation with others, (including, or maybe especially our children), that we do not fulfill our words, we can expect back much the same as we have delivered, we will be labeled as “untrustworthy” and we will have to do a tremendous amount of work to regain our good name.
This applies at all times and in every situation. It applies to our marriage, to our children, to our business, to our recreational activities and to our charitable works. We are wise to follow the advice of Pirke Avot, where the sage, Shammai says, “Say little and do much!”

Marjut Herzog asks: There are people who stand on the same corner for months, years even, asking for money. If one drives by every day should one give daily? Rabbi Konigsburg replies: While it is a Mitzvah to give Tzedakah, we always have a choice as to whom we will give. If you want to give to the same people every day, than you may. If you only want to give to them once a week or once a month, you can do that as well. If you do not feel that they are worthy of your contribution, either because they are not really needy or because they do well enough on that corner without your support, you can direct your contributions to the places where you fell it will do the most good. If you think there is no one in your family who is in need, you can give to someone in the community, if you feel that the community has supported the needy, you may direct your monies to other, more distant charities. You can give a proportion of your contributions to each category according to how you feel about their needs and your abilities.

Talmidav Shel Aharon
09-5767 Mitzvah 38
December 25, 2006

Mitzvah 38 – It is a positive commandment to give to the poor
Hafetz Hayyim: As it says in Scripture: “Your shall surely open your hand etc.” (Deut. 15:8) and the Sages interpret this to mean even many time when necessary. And Scripture says further, “then you shall uphold him, the stranger and the sojourner (referring to the non-Jew who follows the 7 laws of Noah) that he may live along with you” (Lev. 25:35) and it states further “That your brother may live along with you” (Lev. 25:36)
One has to give according to what is suitable for the needy person and according to what he is lacking. If he as no clothing, his is to e clothed, and so provided with other things that he needs. If the donor’s means are not enough, he is to give him as he is able to: even a poor person who is sustained by charity has a duty to give charity to someone else.
A poor man who is related to him takes precedence over everyone else. The poor of one’s house take precedence over the poor of the town; the poor of his town take precedence over the poor of another town for Scripture says: “you shall surely open your hand to your brother, your poor man, and to your needed person in your land.” (Deut. 15:11)
If someone sees a penniless person seeking alms and he hides his eye from him and give him no charity, he disobeys this positive mitzvah and violates a negative commandment. It is a very severe transgression and he is called a scoundrel, a sinner and a wicked person.
We are duty bound to be more careful of the Mitzvah of charity than about all the other positive commandments; for charity is a distingu9ishing characteristic of the descendants of Abraham. The throne of Jewry is not properly established, nor can the faith of truth endure except though charity, since Scripture says, “Zion shall be redeemed with Judgment and those of her that return, with charity.” (Isaiah 1:27) So if anyone is merciless, his lineage has to be suspected; for the cruel lack of mercy is found only among the idolaters as Scripture says, “they are cruel and have no compassion” (Jer.50:42” All members of Jewry are as brothers (see Deut. 14:1) and if a person won’t have compassion on his own brother, who will take pity on him? To whom should the poor in Jewry life up their eyes beseeching help – to those who hate and persecute them? So their eyes look only to their brethren.
Now, it is necessary to give charity with a cheerful face, happily. Nothing bad ever results from charity. No one becomes poor from giving it, as Scripture says, “the work of righteousness shall be peace.” (Isaiah 32:17)It is necessary to calm and cheer a poor man and it is forbidden to rebuke him or raise one’s voice to him in shouting, because his heart is broken. And woe to anyone who shames a poor person.
If a person coerces other to give charity, his reward is greater than the reward of the one who gives. And whoever acts with compassion will be treated with compassion (see Deut 13:18) As for redeeming people in captivity, there s no greater religious duty than that. Whoever hides his eye from that transgresses many positive and negative commandments.
This is in effect at all times and it every place for men and for women.

In this lengthy message, the Hafetz Hayyim tries to stress the importance of Tzedaka, Charity. As we can plainly see, there are many quotes from Scripture that relate to acts of Tzedaka, to note the reward for giving and the punishment for closing one’s hand to the poor.
While the translator equates Tzedaka with “charity”, there really is a difference. Charity implies giving when one is moved to give. Tzedaka is based on the word for “justice”, and implies that we have an obligation to give, not just because our heart is willing.
Since the Hafetz Hayyim has gone on so long with the details of giving, I will keep my remarks short. He has clearly outlined the responsibility for every Jew to give. What he does not say is where the money should go. He notes that one should support one’s own family first and then the causes in one’s own city. Only then should we be concerned with needs elsewhere. He also notes that Jewish causes should come before secular ones since it should not be expected that non-Jews should give to Jewish causes.
One should give cheerfully, and never, ever embarrass a poor person. This is equal to killing the one embarrassed and is a serious crime. One should not be mean or cruel to the poor, but helpful and supportive. Note also that, according to Maimonides, the highest form of Tzedaka is to help a person get a micro-loan or a job so that they will break out of the cycle of poverty that keeps them begging for money.
Finally, collecting funds to redeem a captive is one of the highest forms of Tzedaka. This reflects the ancient practice of kidnapping a person and selling them into slavery. To this very day, the State of Israel will do whatever it can to bring home captive soldiers. The only limit to this is that the Sages warn not to pay too much or offer too much to redeem a captive lest the captors make a career kidnapping and ransoming Jews.
In sum, we all have an obligation to support those who are in need. We can choose who we will support, but we can’t turn our eyes away from the poor. This is one of the Mitzvot that point to the very essence of being a Jew: At the end of the day, we help and support each other.

Talmidav Shel Aharon
08-5767 Mitzvah 37
December 18, 2006

Mitzvah 37 – It is a positive commandment to rest from work on the day of Shemini
Atzeret.
Hafetz Hayyim: As it says in Scripture: “On the eighth day there shall be a holy convocation.” (Lev. 23:36) The Law is the same as for the first day of Pesach. This is in effect at all times and it every place for men and for women.

While the Hafetz Hayyim is correct, that the laws of Shemini Atzeret are the same as the laws for the first day of Pesach (except we are allowed to eat Hametz and not restricted to Matzah). Shemini Atzeret is a full festival and all the laws that relate to working and praying on Festivals apply to Shemini Atzeret as well as Pesach and Shavuot.
But we would be doing a great disservice to Shemini Atzeret if we described it only as “just another festival”. In spite of the fact that it comes the day after the last day of Sukkot, it is not the same as Sukkot. You do not wave a Lulav and Etrog, and one is not required to live in a Sukkah. Its purpose is as enigmatic as the purpose of Shavuot. Shavuot, if you remember, is the holiday that follows 7 weeks after the beginning of Pesach and has not special rituals nor historical explanation. Later Rabbis did some math and determined that Shavuot was the day the Torah was given at Mt. Sinai. Shemini Atzeret suffers from the same problems. It comes on the eighth day after a seven day festival and also has no historical explanation. Sukkot is all about the harvest but what is the meaning of Shemini Atzeret? Noting that Sukkot is an international holiday, with rituals on behalf of the other nations of the world, The Sages of the Talmud saw Shemini Atzeret as the day after the festival, when all the other people have been sent home and we ask our “family” to say behind and join us for another day.
Since all holidays celebrated outside of the Land of Israel, get a day added to make sure there are no Calendar issues, Shemini, a one day holiday, takes on a second day. The second day, however, has taken on a life of her own. The second day of Shemini Atzeret is called Simchat Torah, and it is designated as the day we complete our annual reading of the Torah and start it over again. It seems that whenever the Rabbis are in doubt as to the meaning of a holiday, the just assign it some importance in relationship to Torah.
We are not even sure what the term “Atzeret” actually means. It is generally defined as a Festival, a holy convocation, a time to gather for a holy purpose. We have no idea why the two biggest festivals on the Calendar, Pesach and Sukkot, have an Atzeret following them, for Sukkot, the additional holiday comes right away, but for Pesach, it comes seven weeks later. In spite of all the mystery, we celebrate Shemini Atzeret. There is a Yizkor memorial service on the first day, and the wild and crazy celebration of Torah on the second day. After a month full of holidays, it will be the last full festival until Pesach. Only the minor holidays of Hanukah, Tu B’Shevat, and Purim will interrupt the winter.

Talmidav Shel Aharon
07-5767 Mitzvah 36
November 27, 2006

Mitzvah 36 – It is a positive commandment to take up the four species on Sukkot.
Hafetz Hayyim: As it says in Scripture: “And you shall take for yourselves on the first day the fruit of splendid trees, branches of palm trees, boughs of thick trees and willows of the brook.” (Lev. 23:40) This means on Lulav (palm branch), one Etrog (citron), three myrtle branches and two willow branches. One must hold them in the same position that they grow. Once he has lifted them, he has fulfilled the Mitzvah. The entire day is the proper time to take them up. The Sages have declared that they are taken up each of the seven days of the festival, not just the one day that the Bible requires. We do not take the species up on Shabbat, the Sages have forbidden this even if the first day is Shabbat for fear that one may carry them which would be a full violation of Shabbat. If one of the four species is disqualified or missing, the entire set can not be used. You cannot use a borrowed set on the first day of Sukkot but you can on the other days. A stolen set is always disqualified. A child who knows how to wave them properly should wave them even if he is under legal age in order to train him in the Mitzvot. This is in effect at all times and it every place for males but not for females.

A Lulav and Etrog set are known as “The Four Species” and that is the better name since the set includes more than just a palm branch and Etrog. The origin of these branches is a big mystery. The bible requires them, but is unclear just which species are included (thick trees? Splendid trees?) The Etrog is particularly a problem since it is not native to the Middle East. It came through trade to Babylonia in the seventh century and was probably picked up by the Israelite exiles there and brought back to Israel when the exile was over in the sixth century. The book of Nehemiah seems to think that the fruit of splendid trees was olive branches. That would make a lot of sense. Perhaps, in the Greek period, when olive branches were used in pagan rituals, the Etrog was substituted for the olive.
They are held together with the braches down and the leaves pointing up, which are the way they grow naturally. The palm branch is in the middle and with the spine of the palm branch facing you; the myrtle branches would be on the left and the willow on the right. These branches are bound together and held in the left hand. The right hand holds the Etrog, with the stem down and the pitom (the remnant of the Etrog flower) up. When we take up the set for the first time each day, we recite the blessing. Since we can not take the set until we say the blessing and can’t say the blessing without the set, we take the set but hold the Etrog upside down (pitom down) say the blessing and then turn it over before we wave it in the six directions: East, South, West, North, Up and Down. We shake the Lulav three times in each direction, not more, not less. On the first day one also recites the Shehechiyanu.
While one can take the Lulav up all day, it is used on Sukkot in the morning service for Hallel and Hoshanot. It is waved during the recitation of Psalm 118 at the beginning and near the middle and near the end. It is not waved but paraded around the synagogue during Hoshanot. Once each day of Sukkot it is paraded around the synagogue and then it is paraded seven times on the last day, Hoshana Rabba.
It is particularly praiseworthy to have a beautiful set and to carry the Etrog to and from the synagogue in a beautiful carrying box. You should own your own set but you can borrow a set if you do not own one. One can’t use a stolen set at all.
Children who are old enough to use a set, should have a training set to get used to fulfilling the Mitzvot, but they are not obligated to wave the four species until after Bar or Bat Mitzvah.
The Hafetz Hayyim may not require women to wave the four species as it is a time bound mitzvah for which women would be exempt, but Conservative Judaism does require women to wave the four species and women should have their own set.

Hillel Konigsburg asks: Is it one should be able to see the stars or that one has to see the stars? (when standing in the Sukkah). I was always under the impression that it is suggested but not required.Rabbi Replies: You are correct, it is a sign that the top has been arranged properly, it is not a requirement to see the stars.

Talmidav Shel Aharon
06-5767 Mitzvah 34 & 35
November 20, 2006

Mitzvah 34 – It is a positive commandment to rest from work on the first day of Sukkot.
Hafetz Hayyim: As it says in Scripture: “On the first day, a holy convocation.” (Lev. 23:35) The law is the same as the law for the first day of Passover. This is in effect at all times and it every place for both males and for females.

As I wrote then: “Resting on Holidays is not the same as resting on Shabbat. The rest of Shabbat is more comprehensive than that of festivals since Shabbat can be only one day and a festival can be two or more days long. Cooking, spreading an existing flame and carrying from one domain to another are forbidden on Shabbat but permitted on a Festival.”

Mitzvah 35 – It is a positive commandment to dwell in a Sukkah all seven days of the festival..
Hafetz Hayyim: As it says in Scripture: “You shall dwell in booths seven days.” (Lev. 23:42) The entire seven days of the festival, on should eat, drink and live in the Sukkah both by day and night. All the seven days a man is to make his home an occasional place and his Sukkah his fixed place. It is forbidden to eat a regular meal outside the Sukkah; on the first night it is a duty to eat at least an olive’s amount of bread in the Sukkah. Thereafter, if one wants to eat bread, he is to eat it in the Sukkah; if he wants to eat fruit, he may eat it outside the Sukkah. A young child who as reached the age of training has the obligation by the law of the Sages. This is in effect at all times and it every place for males but not for females.

A Sukkah is a booth constructed for the purpose of living in it for the duration of the Sukkot holiday. The shape of the building is like the letters of Sukkah (Samech, Chaf and Hey) that is, it can have four walls (and a door); three walls or two and one-half walls. The walls can be constructed of any material at all, even attached to a permanent structure. What is crucial, however, is the roof. It must be constructed of branches that let sunlight in by day, and allow one to look out at night. By day, there should be more shade than sun on the floor of the Sukkah; by night one should be able to see the stars. The material used must be branches or some other natural material not constructed by human hands. One can use corn stalks, evergreen branches, palm branches or any other natural material cut from its roots or trunk. The branches must actually be cut: a Sukkah cannot be built under a tree to use the growing branches as a roof. One is allowed to beautify the Sukkah in any way that will enhance the beauty of the holiday.
We build a Sukkah in order to use it. We should, minimally, sit in the Sukkah and say the blessing at least once a day. Better, one should eat all their meals in the Sukkah. If possible, one should even sleep in the Sukkah during the seven days of the festivals. While one should eat all their meals in the Sukkah, one can snack anywhere during the festival, as long as it is not a formal meal. (For the Sages, this usually required bread to be served.) The first night of Sukkot, it is required to eat in the Sukkah. Once this minimum is observed, if one only snacks for the other six days and never eats bread until after the holiday is over, he has still fulfilled his obligation to eat in the Sukkah.
The symbolism of the Sukkah is that our ancestors wandered 40 years in the desert with only the clouds of G-d to shelter them from the sun and the elements. We also show our faith in G-d by dwelling in these temporary booths and trusting G-d to protect us. I should note: it is not permitted to sit in the rain or any inclement weather during the festival. In Israel, we can be sure that it will not rain on Sukkot and the weather will be nice. In the rest of the world, we can not be so sure. We should try to eat in the Sukkah, but if the weather is not permitting us to eat there, we cannot endanger our health by sitting there in bad weather.
Every year, in December, I am asked if Jews can decorate their homes and their trees with beautiful lights like our Christian neighbors do. The answer is no. This is their season to decorate, it is their holiday, not ours. We can look at their decorations, but it would be poor taste to imitate it ourselves when it is not our holiday. We can however, decorate our Sukkot in September, with lights, pictures and all manner of decorations in honor of our holiday. Ask your rabbi for Sukkot decorating tips.
The Rabbis of the Talmud teach that a child should be trained in observing the mitzvot before the child becomes obligated. All Jews are obligated to perform all the mitzvot when they reach their thirteenth birthday. The Sages, however, insist that children nine years old and older begin practicing the mitzvot. They should fast a half day on Yom Kippur and eat their meals with the adults in the Sukkah. While there is a long history of Women being exempt from the Mitzvah of living in a Sukkah as it is a “time bound” mitzvah, that women are exempt from performing, today, in the community of Conservative Judaism, woman should also eat and sit in the Sukkah. November 20, 2006

Mitzvah 34 – It is a positive commandment to rest from work on the first day of Sukkot.
Hafetz Hayyim: As it says in Scripture: “On the first day, a holy convocation.” (Lev. 23:35) The law is the same as the law for the first day of Passover. This is in effect at all times and it every place for both males and for females.

As I wrote then: “Resting on Holidays is not the same as resting on Shabbat. The rest of Shabbat is more comprehensive than that of festivals since Shabbat can be only one day and a festival can be two or more days long. Cooking, spreading an existing flame and carrying from one domain to another are forbidden on Shabbat but permitted on a Festival.”

Mitzvah 35 – It is a positive commandment to dwell in a Sukkah all seven days of the festival..
Hafetz Hayyim: As it says in Scripture: “You shall dwell in booths seven days.” (Lev. 23:42) The entire seven days of the festival, on should eat, drink and live in the Sukkah both by day and night. All the seven days a man is to make his home an occasional place and his Sukkah his fixed place. It is forbidden to eat a regular meal outside the Sukkah; on the first night it is a duty to eat at least an olive’s amount of bread in the Sukkah. Thereafter, if one wants to eat bread, he is to eat it in the Sukkah; if he wants to eat fruit, he may eat it outside the Sukkah. A young child who as reached the age of training has the obligation by the law of the Sages. This is in effect at all times and it every place for males but not for females.

A Sukkah is a booth constructed for the purpose of living in it for the duration of the Sukkot holiday. The shape of the building is like the letters of Sukkah (Samech, Chaf and Hey) that is, it can have four walls (and a door); three walls or two and one-half walls. The walls can be constructed of any material at all, even attached to a permanent structure. What is crucial, however, is the roof. It must be constructed of branches that let sunlight in by day, and allow one to look out at night. By day, there should be more shade than sun on the floor of the Sukkah; by night one should be able to see the stars. The material used must be branches or some other natural material not constructed by human hands. One can use corn stalks, evergreen branches, palm branches or any other natural material cut from its roots or trunk. The branches must actually be cut: a Sukkah cannot be built under a tree to use the growing branches as a roof. One is allowed to beautify the Sukkah in any way that will enhance the beauty of the holiday.
We build a Sukkah in order to use it. We should, minimally, sit in the Sukkah and say the blessing at least once a day. Better, one should eat all their meals in the Sukkah. If possible, one should even sleep in the Sukkah during the seven days of the festivals. While one should eat all their meals in the Sukkah, one can snack anywhere during the festival, as long as it is not a formal meal. (For the Sages, this usually required bread to be served.) The first night of Sukkot, it is required to eat in the Sukkah. Once this minimum is observed, if one only snacks for the other six days and never eats bread until after the holiday is over, he has still fulfilled his obligation to eat in the Sukkah.
The symbolism of the Sukkah is that our ancestors wandered 40 years in the desert with only the clouds of G-d to shelter them from the sun and the elements. We also show our faith in G-d by dwelling in these temporary booths and trusting G-d to protect us. I should note: it is not permitted to sit in the rain or any inclement weather during the festival. In Israel, we can be sure that it will not rain on Sukkot and the weather will be nice. In the rest of the world, we can not be so sure. We should try to eat in the Sukkah, but if the weather is not permitting us to eat there, we cannot endanger our health by sitting there in bad weather.
Every year, in December, I am asked if Jews can decorate their homes and their trees with beautiful lights like our Christian neighbors do. The answer is no. This is their season to decorate, it is their holiday, not ours. We can look at their decorations, but it would be poor taste to imitate it ourselves when it is not our holiday. We can however, decorate our Sukkot in September, with lights, pictures and all manner of decorations in honor of our holiday. Ask your rabbi for Sukkot decorating tips.
The Rabbis of the Talmud teach that a child should be trained in observing the mitzvot before the child becomes obligated. All Jews are obligated to perform all the mitzvot when they reach their thirteenth birthday. The Sages, however, insist that children nine years old and older begin practicing the mitzvot. They should fast a half day on Yom Kippur and eat their meals with the adults in the Sukkah. While there is a long history of Women being exempt from the Mitzvah of living in a Sukkah as it is a “time bound” mitzvah, that women are exempt from performing, today, in the community of Conservative Judaism, woman should also eat and sit in the Sukkah.